Interview with The Village at University Gates family member, Jamie Hume

Mainly, it was due to independence. I’d gone to about 10 different institutions, or whatever you want to call them, home care and memory care places. I think the biggest reason was that it felt like that was the only place that my dad, with his issues, could feel independent. It’s a balance because I didn’t really want him to go to any home, but he was unable to do it on his own.

The Village at University Gates allowed him to be outdoors, walk around, be in nature to a degree, garden if he wants to, and go to things like he did living independently. But he’s safer, and it’s a lot better.

It’s very friendly and open-minded. If I have a question, I can get answers pretty quick. I’ve talked to the head nurse, and whenever there are issues, they call, or I call, and it’s very quick answers. They’re always willing to do different things if need be. They keep you informed. In fact, I even have a meeting with the head nurse and the staff online on Zoom soon, just to see how my dad is doing, and see how his care is going and how things are going in his life there.

It’s very friendly and open-minded. If I have a question, I can get answers pretty quick. I’ve talked to the head nurse, and whenever there are issues, they call or I call, and it’s very quick answers. They’re always willing to do different things if need be. They keep you informed. In fact, I even have a meeting with the head nurse and the staff online on Zoom soon, just to see how my dad is doing and see how his care is going and how things are going in his life there.

Every day there’s an event, at least two or three events and things. Even this Friday, there’s a ’50s event, I think it’s three hours of music, and families are coming over, and everybody can dress up if they want to. It’s dog-friendly, cat-friendly, animal-friendly, and that’s big. I always bring my dog, and everybody loves my dog, and I let everybody feed it treats and stuff. So it’s homey that way.

It was pretty fluid. I coordinated everything on my side. When we got there, we brought in a truck, and it was my partner who actually moved everything in. For paintings and pictures, you can get the care workers, and there’s a set time that they do it. It was on a Sunday. There’s a window of, I think, two or three hours, and it was easy. They come in, put it all together.

I brought my dad in about an hour or so after everything was done. We put away all his clothes, put everything up for him, made his bed, and when he walked into his room, he went, “Wow, this is my room. How did you do that?” So he felt like it was pretty magical. The process was simple, essentially, and that was really the most important thing.

The funniest part was that I made business cards for my dad saying “Retired floor layer” on there, and I gave them to him at The Village. He actually didn’t want myself or my partner to be there much longer. He was hoping that we would just go home. He wanted to meet all the villagers. So he started handing all his business cards out to everybody. Immediately, he was getting connections. He enjoys the fact that he’s social now and not alone.

The caregivers were there, encouraging his social behavior. They were saying, he’s exactly what we needed in this place, because he did get everybody going, which is good. That was really good. I’m learning as I’m going what to do and what not to do. One of the things I did is bring in cakes for him, and I said, “Dad, this is for everybody in his house.” He has the Holly House. So it’s nice because they’ll put it aside in the fridge for him.

The caregiver will cut the cake into pieces for everybody and say, “Your dad is giving all this to everybody.” It’s very personable. Everybody knows everybody. I feel like he’s not left alone, that he’s encouraged to do stuff. If he’s not doing yoga or something, I just say, can he get prompted to make sure that he goes out there and gets reminders to go, and they do that.

I can phone the nurses’ line anytime and talk about his personal care every time, which we’ve been doing because there have been a few medical issues, small ones that need to be attended to. Immediately, they call us, and I get to talk about what I need to do and how to proceed. So it’s good. I feel like my dad’s safe and cared for.

The experience is still very new. I’m still dealing with a lot of stuff right now with his condo sale and all that stuff. But the minute he went in, I felt relieved for sure. I went to about 10 places, like I said before, and none of them came close to this one. I actually got accepted to a few of them, and I wouldn’t drop off anybody there. My dad said, “If I go to those places, I won’t last.” And I knew that.

My life has gotten better because I know his is one of the better retirement communities out there, and I feel like I have peace of mind that I can call him. I even phoned him this morning, and he seems very settled. I feel like he knows where he’s at, and he’s got schedules, and I’m not worried that he’s lost.

Even with his memory care, I feel like they prompt him. So that’s a relief for me, for sure.

They’re really, really focused on individual care, so what your individual needs are, and keeping you as independent as possible, making your own decisions. Of course, that has to vary depending on the client. I feel like the history I wrote to them about my father, and just talking to them, means they’re aware and they keep that in check, like how he’s doing. If they feel something isn’t right, they’ll phone me right away.

They’re trying to keep his independence as much as possible and meet his needs. He doesn’t feel invaded. I think the biggest thing is that even though I don’t want him to be in a home — because it would be easier if he wasn’t and he was independent — he can’t be anymore, which is unfortunate. But it’s the closest thing to being independent right now, which is great. They monitor that all the time. They make sure that he’s making as many decisions as he can on his own.

He’s still in transition mode. But I will say he’s happy and he’s enjoying himself. He’s got a girlfriend already, and that was within 10 minutes. They were all fighting for him because he’s a good-looking guy. It’s true. I think he’s on that little edge where he knows what’s going on, and yet he needs help. It’s a tricky thing. It’s a really tricky thing.

Physically, he looks healthier because they cared for his vitamin B. He was low in vitamin B, and I didn’t know that. The doctor figured that out with the blood test. He’s eating more balanced meals because he was craving a lot of sugar when he was on his own, and he was just going to the store and buying cakes. Sometimes that was all he was eating. So now at least he’s getting three square meals, plus he can have his treats, too.

Because of the routines that they have there, which is the best thing for my dad, he needs routine and predictability, healthy predictability, and then he’s calm. So he’s not as anxious anymore mentally. He likes group activities, and he’s very social. So health-wise, mentally and physically, he’s probably 100 percent better.

I’ve told many, many friends and family members just because this has been a big experience for our family. It’s been a hard transition just because it’s always difficult to watch your parent become your "child." But every time I explain what The Village at University Gates is about, they all want to sign up because it is so much nicer than being alone and being lost in their own unpredictable world when you’re older.

If you’ve got a family member who is struggling with memory care of any kind or memory loss or dementia, whatever it is, I would feel 100 percent safe in telling them that this is a healthy, positive, great place to be. I really like the fact that they include family members and friends to come and help. If you want to come visit your family, you can come anytime you want. I always bring my dog and hang out. I would tell everybody: "Do it."

Had I known about it, it would have been a one-stop shop. I would have just been there. I didn’t know anything about it. Too bad they don’t advertise more, because people are living longer, and there are going to be these issues with people, memory problems, and things like that. I wouldn’t have shopped. I wouldn’t have spent I don’t know how much time that I’ve lost, taking my poor dad to all these different places that were horrendous.

Some of them were way more expensive, too. They were charging dispensing fees for just giving their pills, like $700 a month for just giving pills, or $700 if you needed injections. There are a lot of rip-offs out there, too. It would have been nice to have known this place where someone would feel at home.

There are six homes. It’s five acres. It’s a community center. There are activities. There’s music. It’s very lively, and it’s fun, and you can be outside. My dad had to go far away. It’s not where he lived for years, but it was worth moving him there because it’s a safe place, and it’s outdoors, and he’s an outdoors guy, so it’s perfect.

I feel like this place is a balance of really good care, healthy outdoor activities, community, and love. I feel like people really care, and I feel like he’s safe. I thought about even putting up a camera. I thought, I don’t even feel like he needs that. I feel like everything is okay. I can talk to the nurses, and I’ve talked to the caregivers, and I can phone them anytime. It’s the least institutional place I’ve ever seen, and there’s lots of sense of humor there, and it’s fun.