Interview with Richmond Hill Retirement Residence - Verve Senior Living family member, Norma Laughlin

What I appreciate the most is that all the staff are extremely friendly. I do have to mention Melanie Attridge, who does the tour. She’s the first face that we met, and she’s an excellent ambassador for that home because she is so friendly and so welcoming. I truly appreciate the level of care that he’s getting. They really do care. They really do follow through with things that they said to us. There have been some glitches, but again, that’s all communication, and communication is what makes our world go around. They know everybody’s names. They remember my name when I go to visit.

I think what I value would be his quality of life that he’s getting. Being in the residence, surrounded by people who know how to deal with him, and not that we don’t, but it’s different. We’re not trained the same way that they are. That’s their job, but they make it feel like a family.

There are lots of opportunities. They’ve sent us the calendars. They’ve given us the times. They’re trying to encourage him. I know that they’ve asked him and they’ve tried. He’s not there yet, which is fine, but the opportunity is there. I appreciate that. Even the residents are very friendly. When we go for a walk with him around the residents, he’ll speak to the women, the women will speak to him, or the men, but mostly it just seems to be so many women there. It really is neat because there are lots of opportunities for socialization.

When I was there recently, the Olympics were on, and they were all wearing Olympic shirts. It was actually really cool. All the staff were wearing these Olympic T-shirts. The dining room had all the different flags of all the different countries. I know that there’s fitness classes inside and outside. There’s been Bingo.

The building is extremely clean, has a large dining room, has a pub, which we laughed about because we realized that old people aren’t dead. They serve liquor. They do have a gym facility. They do have a hair salon. They do have a library, a pretty expansive library, actually.

They do have a room where your family can come and have a family meal as well, which I think is really cool because, for instance, myself and my brother, who lives in Barrie, and my sister, who’s in Richmond Hill, could all come together.  It’s a beautiful dining room, and they will cater it for you as well. I believe there’s also a room downstairs that you can rent out, like a party room.

His suite is actually really cool. When you walk into his suite, it’s kind of like a little hallway. Then you have your bathroom. Then when you come down the little hallway, there’s just like a little sitting area, which is nice. He does have a balcony. He’s in a one-bedroom. So there is a separate bedroom with a large closet, and it’s big enough for a queen bed and a dresser and two night tables. Then the kitchenette is kind of just there. When you walk in, you’ve got the bathroom, and then there’s just a little kitchenette, no stove, but there’s a fridge and a microwave. You can have your toaster, your kettle, drawers for things. There’s also another closet. For one person, it’s perfect, actually. 

The only downside I could say, and it’s unfortunate because we didn’t realize it because we couldn’t see it and could only see online, is that he definitely wanted a balcony and he wanted it to face south. The problem is the balcony is one that’s all cemented, so it’s too high for him to see over. He can’t sit on his balcony and see out. That’s probably the only downside that I can really say about the home. Even then, it’s not the home’s fault. It’s COVID’s fault.

The staff, like I said, props to Melanie and Samra. Samra is her assistant, and we can’t say enough about her. I will also have to point out David at the front desk reception, because he’s just a joy. On the whole, I can honestly say that if there’s something wrong, they notify us. If my dad needs something, they notify us.

The emails, the calls, the interactions, even housekeeping, have all been great. I’ve been there when housekeeping comes. They all speak to him. They speak to me. That’s the way life should be. It doesn’t matter what you do or where you are. You need to be pleasant with people. I can honestly say that the interactions from all of the staff there have been great with me and my dad too. He actually tells me he really likes that the people are so good.

I think the improvement has been that first and foremost, myself, my sister, and my brother are able to go and sit and have a hot chocolate with him or go and sit and go for a walk around the block with him. We’re able to go and do all those things because of where he is.

When he was at home, we couldn’t do that because we spent our time doing his laundry, doing his cooking. It’s not that we didn’t want to do that for him. So his life has improved because his basic needs are being taken care of. He’s getting better care. He’s getting better meals. He’s sleeping better. His overall quality of life is better.

He had gotten to the point where we had to remind him to shower. By going into the retirement residence, he’s got a better quality of life. He has gotten a lot more of his sense of humor back. Has it been frustrating at times? Absolutely. But I’m sure we’re just as frustrating for everybody, too. His overall quality is much better, and that’s also made our quality of life better for him

Richmond Hill Retirement Residence is like a home away from home. So it’s like your second home. He’s gone from his own home, but really, when I walk into his place at Richmond Hill Retirement Residence, I still feel like I’m home. I think that’s because he’s been allowed to bring some of his own things with him.

My sister, brother, and I have all talked about this. Usually, one day a week, we all go down and visit. There have been times when we’ve been on holiday, and we’ve said, oh, my gosh, he’s in the right place. That’s why we put him there. Coming to that realization helped us. He’s in a good place. He’s well taken care of. Our stress level of not worrying so much about him has gone down so much.

My son lived with him for the last few years, and he was there to try to help him. But my son is 30, and the pandemic didn’t help. It got to the point that my son worried that because my dad would wander through the night and sometimes he’d fall, Cody always worried that every morning when he woke up to go and check on him, that he wouldn’t be alive. That’s an awful way to start your day when you’re 29 years old.

That was always our worry, too. We would call, and he wouldn’t answer the phone. We lived that so many times. Where is he? Why is he not answering the phone? What’s happened to him?

With Richmond Hill Retirement Residence, we still phone, and he doesn’t answer the phone sometimes, but we also know he’s probably with somebody. It relieves our stress and our worry that something’s happened to him and nobody is there to help him. I know for a fact that that is one worry we don’t have to worry about there, because when he leaves that building, he has to sign himself out. When he comes back, he has to sign himself in. If we don’t sign him out, then they need to know. If I go to see him, they need to know. If I’m taking him out, they need to know. It’s having all those checks in place so that they make sure that the health and the safety of the residents is there.

I have over 30 years of experience in childcare. I’m an ECE, and I just actually left my position as a supervisor of a childcare center. I’ve always told my family that at the end of the day, it’s actually bizarre how similar it is. Whether you’re looking for childcare or you’re looking for a home for your parents, there are so many similarities. You’re looking for the same things in a lot of ways.

You need to go with your gut. Your gut will tell you when you walk into a place. It will tell you how you are greeted and how the staff is. It’s not about the beauty of everything. You can walk into a childcare center, and it can be absolutely stunningly beautiful, gorgeous, but the children are crying, and they’re all miserable. They’re not happy. The staff don’t greet you. The staff doesn’t look at you. They don’t acknowledge you. There’s a problem. That’s the same for us.

If you’re looking for a retirement residence, I really feel that with Richmond Hill Retirement Residence, you will find that when you’re greeted, when you walk in there, it smells good. I know that sounds silly, but sometimes homes do not smell the best. It smells well, it’s clean, and the staff are very friendly. Even a lot of the residents are. If the residents are happy, that tells you a lot as well.

Don’t be afraid to ask as many questions as you need to ask, but try and make your parent as much a part of the process and the decision-making as you can. Also remember, no matter what, they’re giving up everything. They’re giving up their license and their car. Now we’re selling his home and getting rid of his stuff. You need to remember that in your head, but you also need to remember that you’re truly going to be doing what is the best thing for your parent.

Don’t be afraid to ask as many questions as you need to ask, but try to make your parent as much a part of the process and the decision-making as you can.

Also, remember, no matter what, your parent is giving up a lot. They’re giving up their license and their car. Now we’re selling his home and getting rid of his stuff. You need to remember that in your head, but you also need to remember that you’re truly going to be doing what is the best thing for your parent

Initially, we chose Richmond Hill Retirement Residence because it came highly recommended by other clients who are in the home and other prospective clients. There was actually another family we had talked to whose parents were going to go there, but because of the circumstances, they went somewhere else. They had researched them all in that area, and that was the one that they had recommended.

The other thing was, in all honesty, it’s also close to where my dad lives, so he was able to stay close to where my mom is buried as well.

The three of us thought we knew what we wanted for my dad, and I guess that’s probably the biggest mistake we made because we knew this wasn’t going to be an easy decision. We knew he was going to go kicking and screaming.

In actual fact, in the end, that’s not what happened. We decided we were going to put him somewhere in Newmarket because that was in between where myself and my brother live, and my sister lives in Richmond Hill. So we figured we’d move him to Newmarket. Big mistake. I took him for a drive. I called all these different places, found out about all these different agencies and things to go through. We drove through Newmarket, Aurora, all through there. He didn’t talk to me, and he was very upset. He kept telling me what he didn’t like about certain places, and he was right. A lot of them were isolated in a community with nothing around them. You couldn’t walk to anything.

Things went a lot better when we talked with and listened to my dad. We had been working on this for a while, and we let it go for a bit. Finally, he got on board, because he had been kicking and screaming, saying, I’m not going, I don’t want this. Then finally he said, "Okay, I want to be close to where Mum is." We were like, okay, great, we’ll put you close to where mom is. That’s not a problem because it’s not about us. It’s about him.

That’s where we started to realize we needed to do what was good for him. We started to ask him more questions because we had just assumed he was going to give us a hard time and not have an opinion. He finally stated, "I want south-facing, I want a balcony, I want to stay close to where Mum is." 

Richmond Hill Retirement Residence is in the perfect location because there is so much to walk to right around there. You don’t have to have a vehicle. Because we couldn’t see inside, we did everything virtually. So it was just about the look of the building, where it was located, and probably mostly the location.

Also, speaking with Melanie, who we spoke to and dealt with on the Zoom calls, was very appealing. She made sure she spoke to him. He wasn’t speaking to us. She would speak to him.

That was a breeze. But again, COVID has put a different spin on this whole thing, so because of COVID, we had to use a mover that Richmond Hill Retirement Residence uses. But at the end of the day, they were fantastic. We’ve actually used them so many times since. Anybody they’ve ever recommended to us was amazing.

We did have a lot of questions, and we had a lot of issues that came up that we never thought of, which you don’t, because if you’ve never been in it, you don’t think about it. But they were always very willing to accept that we’d email or we’d call, and they probably got a lot of emails and calls from us, but they never made us feel like we were a burden. They’ve never made my dad feel like he’s a burden. At the end of the day, he’s not being unhealthy.

I don’t think there’s anything I would do differently. The only thing for me is not having COVID and being able to go in and see the place. When we were finally able to go in and see Richmond Hill Retirement Residence, we would have realized the balcony situation and the step to get out there. It was just those little glitches. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t affect his quality of life. So there isn’t a whole lot I would change. It would have just been having to do it without COVID.